SERIES: A Big No

TITLE: Just a ficlet

AUTHOR: Mint Witch

PAIRING: S/B/Other?

RATING: Like way PG, cuz, hello?

SPOILERS: Through pretty much nothing. Oh, Wrecked I guess, if you insist.

DISCLAIMER: Joss is God, blah blah blah.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: So this one time at band camp, Nora and I were chatting about Mary Sue's and then a blood vessel burst in my head and when I woke up this was on my hard drive. And no Beta (sorry Canada), since this was a 3:00 AM thing.

DISTRIBUTION: Please ask, but thus far I haven’t turned anyone down. Cuz I’m a big ho.

FEEDBACK: Did I mention that I’m a big ‘ho? Mintwitch@yahoo.com

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Hi! I’m Mary Sue. I’m 14 and I live in Akron, Ohio. It’s boring. My best friend is Jenny. She’s taller than me.

I watch this show, it’s called Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Jenny thinks it’s lame, but I tell her “it’s the best!” Buffy is so cool! And her boyfriend, Spike, is a Vampire. That’s just, like, really cool.

I bet I could be a Vampire Slayer, I mean, if I took Karate or something. But I wouldn’t color my hair, because my mom says redheads are special. She says that Mark Twain says that redheads come from cats, while everybody else evolved from monkeys, so that makes us special.

Mom’s, like, totally a complete freak sometimes. I tell her that sometimes, but she grins at Dad and says, “Too much LDS in the ‘50s,” and then they laugh and sometimes I think they go have sex. It’s soooooo embarrassing.

Anyway, so I think sometimes that, like, my sister Amanda is Amanda the Vampire Slayer, so I can be Dawn right? But that’s a stupid name, plus, it’s like, totally, taken, so I would be Summer. Or maybe Wednesday, like that girl in the Addam’s Family. I soooooo love her!

But, see, if Amanda was the Slayer, then she would get the Vampire boyfriend, so in my story he’s my boyfriend, because a mystical key is way better than some stupid, bleached blonde Slayer, right? But he waits for me, cuz I’m totally way too young, but when I’m in College, like Harvard or something, we go to the school dance and it’s Just. Right.

Because he’s like way old, but still cute, so he knows all the right things to do and say, and everybody thinks I’m the coolest. Then, I’m elected Student Council President and I have a successful career. I could be a lawyer or something. But we’d have a mystical child and all the Scoobies would come to see me, and our Slayer/Vampire daughter saves the universe.

That’s like, so way better than Willow smoking magic crack.